JustHatched 12,103 Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 Perhaps you have heard of this twitter page, if not you need to check it out, crazy funny stuff on here https://twitter.com/shitmydadsays "He's nice now but he WAS an asshole. Just 'cause a piece of shit dries up and stops smelling, doesn't mean it's not still a piece of shit." "Bullshit. Don't pretend you don't care about your birthday. It's like watching a hooker pretend she's out for a walk when cops drive by." "Valentine's day is bullshit. Our DNA demands we fuck each other, so if you need a holiday to talk your wife into screwing you, it's over." 3 Quote The funniest thing about this particular signature is that by the time you realise it doesn't say anything it's to late to stop reading it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bullittblitz 148 Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 I listened to the audiobook years back... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cotick20 351 Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 (edited) Its the only twitter page that I have set up to text my phone!... Here are some of my favorite quotes from years back: 6/4/12, 12:55 PM "We ain't a sharp species. We kill each other over arguments about what happens when you die, then fail to see the fucking irony in that." 3/10/11, 1:47 PM "So he likes drugs and hookers. That's the mustard & mayo on the sandwich of life. Problem is, that's all he's got on his fucking sandwich." 8/7/10, 4:33 PM "See, you think I give a shit. Wrong. In fact, while you talk, I'm thinking; How can I give less of shit? That's why I look interested." 2/22/10, 5:02 PM "A parent's only as good as their dumbest kid. If one wins a Nobel Prize but the other gets robbed by a hooker, you failed." 2/28/10, 3:24 PM "Science and Mother Nature are in a marriage where Science is always surprised to come home and find Mother Nature blowing the neighbor." 3/26/10, 12:57 PM "I didn't say you were ugly. I said your girlfriend is better looking than you, and standing next to her, you look ugly." 2/1/10, 11:31 AM "STOP apologizing. You're sorry, he gets it, Jesus. You spilled a glass of wine, not fucked his wife." 6/28/10, 11:41 AM "Don’t focus on the one guy who hates you. You don’t go to the park and set your picnic down next to the only pile of dog shit." Edited June 2, 2014 by Cotick20 Quote "Get busy living, or get busy dying." - Andy Dufresne from The Shawshank Redemption... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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