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I'm back with another set of of stand-up poetry, this time I got a bit obsessed with Harrison Ford, but I don't think it's that noticeable.

Yes, it's true. I did some stand up comedy/poetry at an arts centre in my city last night and it went pretty well, people actually laughed! I was going for a deadpan thing where the introductions to the poems are long and the poems are very short. The audio is a bit low so you might need headphones or really crank the volume. Hopefully I can do some more in the future, I have a great one about ZZ Top.

Another selection of the very best films that I've recently watched; all come highly recommended with the Lime Seal of Approval that guarantees cinematic excellence whatever the genre. An Autumn Afternoon dir. Yasujiro Ozu/1962/1h53m The final film from one of, if not the most revered Japanese directors of all time, Yasujiro Ozu, An Autumn Afternoon, like many of his films - most famously Tokyo Story - is a story of intergenerational relationships that sees the older generation having to learn to step aside let the younger generation take the reins. In this case it is a middle aged widower, Shuhei Hirayama (Chishu Ryu) who sets out to find a husband for his daughter Michiko (Shima Iwash*ta) so that she doesn't have to spend her prime looking after him. Ozu's distinctive style, his cameras locked off and never moving, would lead to a cold and distant feeling film you'd think, but the stillness and serenity of his gaze elevates the underplayed emotions of his actors to devastating effect. The final line of the film, after Michiko has married and moved out, sees Shuhei quietly remark "now I'm alone" and it is heart breaking. For a film in which seemingly nothing of note happens to contain this much humanity and humility is like a wonderful magic trick, and if you've never experienced any Ozu before I urge you to rectify that, and this would be a great starting point as it is the culmination of his four decade career and encapsulates everything that makes him one of the GOATs. 9.5/10 Glengarry Glen Ross dir. James Foley/1992/1h40m Adapted from his own play by David Mamet, Glengarry Glen Ross focuses on a desperate group of real estate agents all fighting over the hottest leads in the Glengarry area in order to save their jobs. But when these leads are stolen from the office their desperation and paranoia grows even more intense. Al Pacino stars as hotshot salesman Ricky Roma but the standout to me is Jack Lemmon as Shelley Levene, a graspingly pathetic character who clearly doesn't belong in this world of *ssholes. Speaking of *ssholes, Alec Baldwin appears in one scene as the big boss of the operation and nearly runs off with the whole film. What a massive c*nt. The film tries to be more cinematic with some scenes taking place outside of the office, trying to move away from its theatrical roots, but the real star here is the dialogue, which is practically caustic. It's hard to make a film enjoyable when every single character is a selfish dickhead but this one manages it with ease. 9/10 Meeting the Man: James Baldwin in Paris dir. Terence Dixon/1970/27m This documentary short visits James Baldwin - American writer and civil rights activist - in Paris where the filmmakers insisted on making a purely literary portrait of the man ignoring the politics in his writing, something that he rejected wholeheartedly. The result is a fascinatingly confrontational film where the subject and director are constantly at odds, with the director Terence Dixon coming off as ignorant even in his own film. Baldwin is a wonderful subject as he speaks forcefully and thoughtfully but also with wit and humour (I'd also recommend the docs Baldwin's Ni- and I Am Not Your n*gro). I'll never know what it's like to be the victim of racial abuse or discriminatory laws. I'll never know the feeling personally, but Baldwin is so articulate when he speaks that I can can at least try to understand, and I think that's what will make the world a better place, just a little understanding. 9/10 Weapons dir. Zach Cregger/2025/2h9m Cregger's follow up to Barbarian, which I found quite underwhelming, stars Julia Garner as third grade teacher Justine who arrives at her class one morning to discover that 17 of the 18 children in her class are missing, all having run out of their houses at exactly the same time the previous night. She instantly becomes suspect number one, especially to Archer (Josh Brolin), father of one of the missing children. But there's something strange going on with the one child who didn't disappear, Alex (Cary Christopher). Told in chapters that focus on a single character, the structure allows for the mystery to be parcelled out bit by bit, with the supernatural elements coming not as a surprise but an awful inevitability when they finally appear. I'm not going to spoil anything about the film here but the standout performance here comes from Amy Madigan as Alex's aunt Gladys. She is totally unexpected and enthralling and a very unique take on what she is. And the way she delivers the line "oh no" and the madness that follows, just wow. I was laughing and horrifically shocked all at the same time. 9/10 Samurai Rebellion dir. Masaki Kobayashi/1967/2h1m Toshiro Mifune stars as Isaburo Sasahara, a vassal to the feudal lord Masakata Matsudaira (Tatsuo Matsumura). The lord orders Isaburo's son Yogoro (Go Kato) to marry his former concubine Ichi (Yoko Tsukasa) as he no longer has any use for her. But when he later forces her to return father and son have to decide whether or not to risk their lives saving her. This is a beautifully shot film with gorgeous, crisp black and white photography and stunning framing. Don't go into this expecting a lot of action though, as this is a love story and family drama first and foremost. It's a lot like Hara-Kiri in that regard. Mifune is excellent as always as the patriarch who just wants peace and quiet for himself and his family, and believes deeply in the love between his son and Ichi. But much like another famous story of star-crossed lovers, this is destined to end in nothing but tragedy. 9/10 Hundreds of Beavers dir. Mike Cheslik/2022/1h48m Hundreds of Beavers is a modern silent comedy about a 19th century applejack salesman, Jean Kayak (Ryland Brickson Cole Tews) who becomes a fur trader in order to win the heart of the beautiful trader's daughter (Olivia Graves). But he's up against an army of beavers who seem to be building something deep in the forest. This is pure slapstick with some brilliant gags and running jokes that had tears streaming down my face for most of the runtime. This is Buster Keaton and j*cka** mixed together in a full length, live action Looney Tunes cartoon and it is glorious. Did I mention that all of the animals in the film are people in animal costumes? It's totally unhinged, but also incredibly charming and very well made with every element - editing, special effects, music, sound effects - working perfectly in harmony with each other to create absolute nonsense. 10/10 Bring Her Back dir. Danny and Michael Philippou/2025/1h44m Another horror from the Philippou brothers after their very good Talk To Me (I honestly thought this was a sequel just based on titles), Bring Her Back stars Billy Barratt and Sora Wong as teenage siblings Andy and the younger Piper, who is blind. They are adopted after the death of their father by former counsellor Laura (Sally Hawkins), who is already caring for the mute and troubled Oliver (Jonah Wren Phillips). At first Laura seems a bit kooky but ok, but pretty soon she starts gaslighting Andy and manipulating Piper, trying to force him out of the picture, with it all probably having something to do with her deceased daughter. Like Weapons this is a horror film centred on children, but where that was at times very funny, this film is brutally bleak and depressing, with Hawkins giving an excellent performance as a monster who you end up somewhat sympathising with, her Australian accent isn't half bad either. 9/10

Medieval (2022, alt titles Jan Zizka / Warrior of God) dir Petr Jakl A biopic / action film about the Czech military leader and hero Jan Zizka – of whom I knew nothing before watching this film. It's a Czech film, but apart from a few minor characters who appeared to have their words dubbed, the actors all speak English. Set in the early 15th century, Zizka (Ben Foster) is a mercenary working for Lord Boresh (Michael Caine). They become embroiled in a conflict involving two brothers, the Kings of Bohemia and Hungary, and a wealthy but disloyal Lord Rosenburg. Boresh hatches a plan, to be carried out by Zizka's men, to kidnap Rosenburg's fiancee Katherine (Sophie Lowe), in order to force his loyalty to the Kings. Today you might think that would have the opposite effect, but as the English title of the film says, this is medieval times, things were quite different then, and schemes a bit like this were not too unusual. Obviously, this being a film based on real characters, not a history documentary, things do not go according to plan. There's plenty of double crossings and complications between certain characters. Zizka and Katherine become close as she comes to see her intended husband is quite happy letting his thugs murder, r*pe and torture peasants just to further his political aims. This is also true for most of the nobility at that time. There are some peasants starting to rise up against this treatment, inspired also by changes in religious beliefs as the reformation is getting underway, led in this part of world by the priest Jan Hus. Later, Zizka would go on to lead this rebellion and, it is claimed, never lost a battle. He was a tactical genius and innovator, coming up with ways to enable poorly equipped armies to take on the supposedly superior knights and professional solders and mastering the use of new technology like cannons. But this film just focusses on the complicated, drawn out, kidnap mission, which I think is heavily or totally fictionalised, simply mentioning at the end what Zizka would go on to do later. Foster is OK in lead role, due to the nature of the film being as much about the battles and skirmishes as any story or character development. Caine and Lowe are better, I guess because they play an old man and woman respectively, they are not that much involved in the battle scenes. To me the violence and gore were too much. Although they are not for me, I don't object to a film being focussed on this, if that is the point of the film, like a slasher horror film. But this seemed to be trying to be more about the history and character development as well, yet that kept getting put to one side for some gruesome eye gouging, chopping off of limbs, bashing in heads with rocks, etc, etc. They could have told the main story or done a slasher film in much less time than the 2 hours this ran for. But by trying to combine those it significantly weakened it for me and it got repetitive at times. 5 / 10 Amsterdam (2022) dir David O. Russel Set in 1930s New York, two WWI veterans, Burt (Christian Bale) and Harold (John David Washington), become embroiled in, and try to foil, a fascist plot to overthrow the US president. They now work as a doctor and lawyer respectively, helping other veterans. It has a huge ensemble cast of well known, and very good, actors. Margot Robbie plays Valerie, an artist and former nurse who tended to Burt and Harold after they were badly injured in the war and took them both to live with her in Amsterdam for a few years afterwards. The rest of the cast includes Chris Rock, Remy Malik, Anya Taylor-Joy, Matthias Schoenaerts, Taylor Swift, Mike Myers and Robert De Niro. It's a bit like a Wes Anderson film at times, partly because of the large cast, partly because it does not take itself too seriously (it's almost a comedy) and also the lines are sometimes delivered in a similar style to his films too and often narrated by Burt. The acting is good, particularly Robbie. Bale also, though he did seem to be doing an Al Pacino impression to me, but maybe that is just a typical accent for a New York Jewish-Catholic (what Burt describes himself as). The story is a bit complex with a lot of twists, particularly early on as Burt and Harold find themselves wrongly accused of murder, but a sympathetic detective (Schoenaerts), also a veteran, gives them chance to clear their own names. The trail of evidence they try to follow keeps going not where they thought but in doing so reveals a new line of enquiry. But I found it was easy to just watch and enjoy and not try to guess where it was going. It deals with issues of race, Burt is white, Harold is black, they fought alongside each other in a regiment of black soldiers led by white officers. It's looking into the death of the general who founded this that gets them involved in the plot. Also Valerie and Harold were lovers in Amsterdam but knew they would never be able to be open about that in the US. It is inspired by real events with the character played by di Nero based on a real retired general from the 1930s and there was evidence that a group of bankers and business men plotted to oust president Roosevelt, although they never got to put their plan into action. 8 / 10 Run (2020) dir Aneesh Chaganty A psychological thriller / mild horror about a single mother, Diane (Sarah Paulson) and her disabled daughter, Chloe (Kiera Allen, who is a wheel chair user in real life too). Chloe cannot walk and has multiple other health issues that she has to take a huge range of medication for each day for. Diane home schools Choe who, aged 17 and very good at science and technology, is eagerly awaiting responses from various universities she has applied to. Diane claims to be very happy with her daughter who has overcome so much already going off to college. But her actions start to say otherwise. After Chloe is told by Diane of a change in one of her medications and she then finds a pharmacy bottle of the tablets with her mother's name, not her own, on the label, she starts to become concerned. The tension build up as more suspicious things are revealed. The way it unfolds is quite formulaic for this sort of thriller film and there is, of course, a twist near the end and then a further twist at the very end. But Paulson and Allen are good, which is important since most of the film is just them with the occasional other bit-part character. There are some nice aspects to the plot, like the way Chloe really gets herself out of her predicaments, rather than how in many similar films such things are more just down to luck. But the very final twist I did not like nor see as necessary. The horror aspect is really very mild indeed, which is fine for me. I found absolutely nothing scary at all, there was no violence other than the briefest of shots of someone being hit, shot or stabbed with a hypodermic needle, and no blood or gore other than the odd graze or slight cut. The horror aspect simply comes from the film conveying the fear Chloe experiences, which it does well. There were a couple of things I noticed and could not work why that was being shown, whether it was just bad writing or editing. Diane's computer was on a very old version of Windows for a film made, and presumably set, in 2020, and in a shower scene we see scars on her back but that is never referred to afterwards. 6 / 10 Cam (2018) dir Daniel Goldhaber Another mild / psychological horror, and for my Halloween film this was probably too mild horror even for my relatively timid tastes. However it was an interesting, if somewhat flawed film. Madeline Brewer (Janine in The Handmaids Tale) plays Alice, a s*x-cam girl who goes by the professional name of Lola-Lola. Most of the characters are other cam-girls or their fans (clients? not sure of the right word), and there is frequent nudity in this, obviously, but nothing too explicit. The horror aspect comes from two things. The first is from some of the things Alice does in her shows, such as faking injuring herself, but these scenes are infrequent and mild. The other comes later on in the story as strange, unexplainable things start to happen. Alice gets into a ratings battle with another performer on the website they both work through. Both do things they would not normally do in their shows and Alice uses one of her big fans, who she has the phone number of, to set up something to shock other viewers and drive ratings up. Then one day she finds herself locked out of her account and all her efforts to get back in fail. She notices she is apparently still online, and someone who looks and sounds exactly like her is broadcasting live from what looks exactly like her studio, in her home. But that cannot be right, because she is at home. So this is where is gets into the more psychological horror. Alice cannot figure out what is going on. What is happening is impossible, yet it's clearly happening. The impersonator seems completely unaware that anything odd is happening. They seem to think they are the real Lola-Lola and Alice is just the girlfriend of one of her fans who just happens to look like her. Alice again uses the help of a couple of those fans she is in contact with. One of these tells her this has happened to other cam girls, and some of them are now dead. It all seems to be building up to a tense, scary conclusion, only that's not really what happens. The actually ending is relatively un-dramatic, and to be fair I quite liked that Alice works out a how to resolve it this way. There is a little bit of tension and someone does get hurt, but not really badly. But it just was not the way I was expecting a film of the type this seemed to be to end. Also it never explains what was going on at all. It's not like one of those films that puts clues to the real story in for you to pick up or, of if it is they were far too well hidden for me to spot. Maybe we are meant to wonder if the impersonator was the real Alice, or maybe it's all in Alice's imagination? But if so I did not see anything indicating that even might be the aim of the story. I genuinely wonder if the writers wanted to have a more complex plot, and maybe more scenes were even filmed, but someone higher up took the decision to edit it down to the standard film length, since it is almost exactly 90mins. It does examine a bit of what it's like to be in this sort of job, e.g. not something Alice wants her mum to know about. She has to deal with weird fans and her only real friends seem to be fellow cam-girls. Brewer is good in the lead role and generally the rest of cast are decent too. It does have some vague similarities to films like David Lynch's Mulholland Drive and David Croneburg's Videodrome (I think that' the one I have in mind, but it's a long time since I saw it) but it is not anywhere near in the same league as those. 6 / 10

It's been a while since I posted here, and I've watched too many films to be bothered to review them all, so here's a selection of the best of the best that I've seen over the past couple months. I'll post a few of these until I've caught up. I log and give a rating to every film I watch on my letterboxd account if you're that interested in all the random stuff I watch (Spermageddon was a highlight). https://letterboxd.com/LimeGreenLegend/ The Lion in Winter dir. Anthony Harvey/1968/2h14m Henry II (Peter O'Toole) has his wife Eleanor of Aquitaine (Katharine Hepburn) taken out of imprisonment for the Christmas period so they can trade barbarous insults whilst discussing which of their sons is to be heir to the throne. The chemistry between O'Toole and Hepburn is incredible here, they really love hating each other and hate that they love each other and that tension really elevates what is already a brilliant script. The supporting cast is small - most of the film is confined to Henry's castle over a short period of time - but just as good as the leads, and it features in their first film roles both Anthony Hopkins as Prince Richard, Eleanor's preferred heir, and Timothy Dalton as the French King Philip II. This domestic drama is both intimate and epic at the same time, with the stakes feeling appropriately high. Watching this is like being on a bus and overhearing a couple having a really juicy argument that makes you stay on for a couple of extra stops because you need to see how it ends. 10/10 Hayao Miyazaki and the Heron dir. Kaku Arakawa/2024/2h1m This documentary takes an unprecedented look behind the scenes at the legendary Studio Ghibli as we follow the equally legendary filmmaker Hayao Miyazaki over the period of seven years as he comes out of retirement (not for the first time) to make The Boy and the Heron, released in 2023 it was his first film for a decade. As a subject Miyazaki comes across as very guarded and closed off, but you soon realise that everything you need to know about him is in his art, that is how he communicates. You get the feeling that working gives him energy and purpose and he can't really do anything else. When he's in work mode he is very single minded, occasionally having a negative impact on his personal relationships. But there is a warmth to him, and a love for humanity and nature and it's all in his incredible films. 9/10 Interstella 5555: The 5tory of the 5ecret 5tar 5ystem dir. Kazuhisa Takenouchi/2003/1h5m Interstella 5555 tells the story (5tory) of a superstar band on an alien planet who bring peace and love with their awesome funk, but during a concert they are abducted and taken off world, their memories erased, their appearance changed and they are brainwashed into performing corporate pop made just to sell products. Shep, a space pilot in love with the beautiful bass player Stella, goes on a mission to rescue them. This film has no dialogue and was made as a visual companion to Daft Punk's Discovery album, much like The Who's Tommy or The Wall by Pink Floyd. The animation is gorgeous, crisp and colourful thanks to a recent 4k remaster, and it goes without saying that the music is amazing with songs like One More Time, Digital Love and Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger. Discovery is one of my favourite albums and in my opinion this is the best way to experience it. 10/10 It's Such a Beautiful Day dir. Don Hertzfeldt/2012/1h2m It's Such a Beautiful Day is a simple animated film - stick figures against plain white backgrounds - that tells the story of an unremarkable man, Bill, who has a mundane life and suffers from a neurological problem and mental health issues. This feels incredibly personal, thanks in part to the fact that is was basically made by one person, and deeply moving. I found myself caring more about this stick figure than most characters in every film I've ever seen. Don't be put off by the style, this is an incredibly profound film that will make you appreciate your life a little bit more after watching it. 10/10 Beyond the Infinite Two Minutes dir. Junta Yamaguchi/2020/1h11m Kazunari Tosa plays Kato, a cafe owner who discovers on day that the TV in his flat and the TV in his cafe downstairs have somehow become linked and can communicate with each other, the kicker being that the cafe is two minutes in the future. This leads to a series of ever more complicated complications as he and his friends try to work out a way to make some money off of it. This is a brilliantly ingenious film with a really clever and original take on time travel that doesn't sacrifice character depth or charm. What makes this film really stand out is that it's all shot in one take with some really intricate choreography that sees us travel between the cafe and the flat and back again several times as well as have the characters interact with multiple past and future versions of themselves on the TV screens. It's like a magic trick or a beautifully complicated bit of clockwork. All credit to the actors for being able to do all this and still give great performances. I only watched this because it's short and has a cool title and I'm glad I did, I don't know why this isn't already a cult classic. Honestly, I think this is the best time travel film I've ever seen. 10/10 Superman dir. James Gunn/2025/2h10m James Gunn reboots the DC cinematic universe with a new take on Superman (David Corenswet). I'm not really a fan of superhero films, but I have to say I loved this. Right off the bat, it's not an origin story, which we really never need to see again. I also like how Superman feels and acts like a kid from the midwest who was raised right, he's not been turned into a cool guy who makes jokes all the time like Tony Stark. He's a boy scout who says stuff like gosh darn it, and that's how it should be. Lex Luthor is played here by Nicholas Hoult, and he's also great. He's petty and fuelled by jealousy and he's totally self aware of that and he hates it. I appreciate that this is a bright colourful film, but Gunn hasn't just copied the neon soaked aesthetic of his Guardians of the Galaxy films, here it's a natural brightness fuelled by Earth's yellow sun. The score uses the classis John Williams Superman theme, but sparingly and just for the epic moments, with the original music blending with it perfectly. This is a great film that left me feeling good, and isn't that what Superman's supposed to do? 9/10 All About Eve dir. Joseph L. Mankiewicz/1950/2h19m This classic drama stars Bette Davis as aging Broadway star Margo Channing and Anne Baxter as Eve Harrington, an aspiring actor who insidiously worms her way into Margo's life by playing the fawning fan. Over time she is able to push Margo out of the spotlight whilst also nearly destroying her personal relationships. The only one who can see through her lies is theatre critic Addison DeWitt (George Sanders). The film opens with Eve accepting an award before flashing back to the start, showing us how she got there, and ends not long after the ceremony with the cycle beginning all over again as Eve's biggest fan shows up, ready and willing to take her place. This is a sharp film with a script full of cutting one liners, mostly given to the always excellent Davis. The real tragedy of the film is that Margo gets everything she deserves in the end, and Davis plays that perfectly. Baxter is equally impressive as the parasitic Eve, all sweetness and smiles at the start but when she flicks that switch to reveal the fame hungry monster inside it's almost scary. 1950 was a good year for showing what fame can do to a person as Sunset Boulevard was also released, that would make a brilliant double feature. 9/10

Very good Lime. They should get you in dictionary corner on 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown. I love Procrastination Poem. I have to say though, you sound less Devon-like (if that's a word) than you do in-game.